Thyroid update and life in general

Had my appointment earlier today and it went well.  My TSH is up to 0.89 from a low of 0.20 at one point.   Normal by most labs is considered 0.35-5 but my endocrinologist feels that you aren’t in the “normal” catagory until you reach 1.  So I’m almost there!!  She started laughing when I told her that I knew I was getting closer to her goal of that 1 since I can no longer eat whatever I like and not gain weight!! 

She then asks me how my swallowing is going.  Not sure if I mentioned that in the last post but I have been having a bit of trouble swallowing when I’m tired too.  She had done a thyroid ultrasound and ENT consult in the past for the swallowing issues.  So I tell her about ALL my symptoms of late.  They have all started since I last saw her 3 months ago.  She is shocked!  She tells me that she didn’t see that one coming when she asked me about the swallowing and “wow…thanks for dropping that bombshell on me”!!!  I say “hey, no problem!!”

She and I have a great relationship.  We talk about my Grave’s along with life in general.  She has brought her kids to kid parties at my house too.  She’s a great person.

For that reason, she doesn’t do the usual line people give when you tell them you may have a chronic disease.  That line being…….Oh I’m sure you are fine.  Instead, she reminds me that when  you have one autoimmune disease you are at higher risk for another and that thyroid and myasthenia tend to go together.  But then tells me that I’m one of the most optimistic people she knows and how my outlook is so great.  I tell her not to mistake that I’m having a good day for anything and that I have plenty of bad days too!!  She reminds me though of all that i have been through in the last year (DH had a heart ablation, DD just had surgery and has chronic issues, DS has had 2 surgeries for his ears, other DS has his yearly cardiology appt coming up) and how happy I am.  

Some days it’s all a cover up though.  You know?  How am I supposed to be down in the dumps all the time when I have 3 kids and a husband and a full time job???  It’s just not possible.  Plus, I told her that being sad about it all isn’t going to change it.  If I have MG then I will start treatment and deal with it and move on.  If I don’t then praise the Lord and I guess I need to see a psychiatrist for all these wierd symptoms that I DO have!!!  And, if so, I’ll deal with that.  But, one day at a time, trust in the Lord my savior, and go on. 

What else is there to do?

Hello world!

I thought long and hard before starting a new blog but then decided I needed one for MYSELF.  I have several already but they are all about other things and none that I can really talk about myself.  Although I guess there is one that I can but it really concentrates on my spiritual journey instead.  So here I go.  I have all the others on blogger so I decided to change things up a little and go with wordpress for this one.  It’s funny as  you get used to doing something one way and so getting used to this layout is difficult!!  (But I can do this one from work so that makes it nice   )

So, my life…………it’s happy, sad, interesting, busy, fullfilled, scary, hopeful, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world or anything in it.  I’m Tracey!  I’m 31 and happily married to my hubby Shawn.  I work as an RN doing 12 hour night shifts in a critical care unit.  Some nights I love it, some I like it and some I hate it!!  But I think that’s pretty typical of our jobs right?!?  I have 3 wonderful kiddos.  Benjamin is about to turn 5 and start kindergarden!!  Yikes!!  He’s so excited though.  Jennifer and Samuel are twins and about to turn 3.  Jennifer is a spunky stubborn girl!  She needs to be though as she has some chronic health issues.  Samuel is a typical boy.  So physical but oh so happy too!

And then there is me.  If you want to know more about being a nurse you can visit my nursing blog at http://nighttimenursing.blogspot.com.  You may be wondering why I picked the link I did for this blog.  seeingdoublesob.wordpress.com.  For those that are nonmedical that are reading this sob stands for short of breath.  Basically lately that’s how I live…..seeing double and sob along with some other symptoms.  I have been for several months and am awaiting an appointment for a test that will hopefully shed some light on this.  It’s called an EMG and if you’d like more info on it check out this link:  http://www.teleemg.com/new/patient_toc.htm  I went to my neuro that I see for my migraines complaining of the double vision and droopy eyelid and this is what he ordered.  He believes that I may have myasthenia gravis.  Not a great one to have but at least there have been some great advances lately.  It has been weighing heavy on my heart lately though.  And my eyes are especially bothering me tonite so I’m a bit more feeling down about it all than usual.  I’m trying not to worry until I ACTUALLY have the diagnosis but with all the myraid of symptoms I have it really heavily points the finger in that direction.  Hence, this blog and the need to just jot some stuff down.  I figure this one will be the one I will use to update on myself.

In the morning I go for my 3 month routine follow-up for my Grave’s disease.  Another autoimmune disease that I have (myasthenia is autoimmune too).  I have had it since the birth of my twins.  It’s funny though as autoimmune diseases usually run in families and I’m the first on either side in mine to have anything autoimmune.  It’s pretty stable currently though and I don’t yet require any meds for it so I’m sure not complaining too much about that one!! 

My appt for the EMG isn’t until Aug 19 and I won’t get the results until who knows when after it so it will be awhile yet before I know anything but that’s my story…………at least for now.

BTW…….this is me……..

Not confident enough yet

Today I’m sitting around with a few of my girlfriends while the kiddos are playing and we get onto the subject of church.  Now, these are friends who I’ve become friends with in the last 6 months or so so not friends I’ve had forever.  Anyway, as we start talking about church they both share their opinions.  

One says that she isn’t a non-believer but that she doesn’t believe that she’ll see her dead relatives again either.  But that she does take her kids to church as it is a good thing and gives them a foundation and something to base their own decisions on later in life.

The other says that the fact that there are so many different religions makes her not really believe that there is “one” place that we all go after we die.  That their is a supreme being but that it isn’t what we all individually believe.

I wasn’t sure what to say so I didn’t really say much at all.  After they said what they did I didn’t really want to come out with “well I just reestablished my relationship with God and felt the Holy Spirit enter me and have seen His messages in many ways recently”.  I figured they would think I had gone off the deep end!!  I did say that we go to church and that I am a believer and how I was raised etc.  But nothing too deep.

Part of me wanted to get deeper and tell them what they were missing but then I guess I just didn’t want to push something on someone that wasn’t ready either.  Does that make sense?  How do others go about conversations like this?

Feeling at peace today

I must say that since getting to this point in my journey I feel much more at peace. Little things that used to bother me no longer do. Not to say that things are perfect because they are by far not but I do feel a change for the better.

One great example is that my daughter just had a major surgery today. A few days ago I gave the situation up to the Lord to do with it what he may. Since then I have been of course nervous but not nearly like I expected. I really felt at peace with the whole situation. In the pre-op holding area she and I said a prayer together and after that again I just felt at peace through the entire procedure. I cannot explain it other than that. I do know too that it was a combo of my own renewed and strengthened faith and prayers along with the prayers of my dearest friends that were all holding us up today. I could feel the power of the Lord holding me tight while she was in surgery. And that made me know that he was holding her tight too.

Just trucking along

Not much new to report here. After my initial excitement things have settled into a daily routine. I have signed up for email newsletters (3 I think). One is daily and the others are weekly and they are great to read and help me in my faith. I only wish I had everyday to read them though. But slowly I get there.

I have also begun to read to bible as I have never actually done that. I am signed up for an online program that gives you daily “assignments” and if you do them you will have it read it a year. Seems like a long time but it’s pretty easy to fit it in that way. (Though I must say that I am a few days behind!!)

The thing I struggle with the most is how to pray. I know how to ask for help for my family members or friend’s family members etc. but not how to “just pray”. I find myself starting but then not knowing what to say exactly. But I’m not getting frustrated as I figure it is a learned process just like anything else.

I’m really looking forward to breakfast this am with my former Vicar, Amma Jackie. She is a wonderful person and I miss her terribly.